Forgiveness is not excusing what people have done. It is not saying what they have done doesn’t matter or that it hasn’t affected you. It is merely choosing to give them grace, just as God gave to us.
For each of the following sections we were taught about what they are and then given a chance to ask God to come and work in us with regards to that issue. As with everything I am only giving a very brief overview of each one. If any of these speak particularly to you, you feel that what I have described fits you, they I would suggest that you talk to God about it. Even if talking to God is not something you normally do. Ask him about it and see what he does. If you are brave enough invite him to sort out some of it. I can also try to give you more information if you want.
Heart of Stone:
Ezekiel 36:26 “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you, I will remove from you your hearts of stone and give you a heart of flesh”
A heart of stone can’t feel God or know him. Our aim to know God to the full, so we need to get God to remove the hard places in our hearts.
A heart of stone (or stony places in our hearts) is a defence mechanism, built up inner walls which we have put up to stop our selves from becoming vulnerable. They are often formed as small children, though you can of course develop hardened hearts later on in life too.
Checklist for a hidden heart of stone
- Keep people at a distance
- Protect yourself
- Keep up a good front but have trouble being real
- Find it hard to show emotions in front of others
- Stuff your emotions down
- Or maybe you can’t feel emotions
- Live life “Keeping it all together”
- Have the role of “the strong one”
- Find it difficult to ask for help
- Minister to others but can’t be ministered to
- Wish other people would/could keep it all together like you do
- Look down on those who express emotions as being immature or weak.
Any of these can be an indication of a stoney heart, you don’t need to have all of these.
Inner vows
These are things that we have made promising our selves that we will never, or we will always. There are some inner vows that are totally right and godly (such as marriage vows) but may other vows, even if they are constructive on the face of it, can be ungodly and destructive.
“I will never let anyone hurt me like that again”- You stop letting people close, close of your heart and so keep God at a distance as well
“I will never get angry”- This can result in people shying away from even a good debate or discussion, because it ‘might’ end in people getting angry.
Soul Ties
A soul ties is a joining of peoples spirits so that they have a bond with each other.
As with inner vows, there are good soul ties. Us and God, Good friends (David and Jonathan – 1 Sam 18:1) family. These soul ties will lead to wholeness and good things will come out of them.
But soul ties can be warped and created wrongly.
- Parents and children – When the parent doesn’t allow the child to individuate and become a mature adult independent of their control and domination.
- Child and parent- when an undisciplined child manipulates and controls the parents
- All abusive relationships which are or have become manipulation
- With sexual partners other than one’s spouse
- People who use occult power to exercise control over you.
- Two people who share amounts of personal information more than is appropriate for the relationship.
Ungodly beliefs
Ungodly beliefs are as they say on the tin, beliefs that we have formed due to experience, lack of understanding, or misinterpretation of events.
The thing with ungodly beliefs are that often they aren’t obvious until someone points them out to you. To break out of it you write down your Ungodly beliefs.
“I am not important because my dad never had time for me”
“My life is a mistake”
“God loves other people more than me”
Then write down godly beliefs that counteract that (not necessarily the opposite, because sometimes ungodly beliefs are warped versions of the truth)
“I believe I am important, and my heavenly father will always have time for me”
If it is too hard to say “I believe” then write that you choose to believe (you’re not there yet, but you are working towards that)
“I choose to believe that I am not a mistake. God planned me. He chose for me to be born when I was and where I was”
“I chose to believe that God loves me just as much as anyone else”
It’s always good to find scriptures from the bible to match up to your godly belief.
Then read these each day until you start to believe. It’s not easy and it’s not quick but with God’s help, it’s perfectly doable.
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